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TAOISEACH BERTIE AHERN announced this morning that he would be stepping down as leader of the Irish nation and Fianna Fail on May 6th.

Mr. Ahern stated his intention following the ongoing revelations from the Mahon Tribunal’s inquiry into corruption.

In an emotional statement from government buildings the Irish Leader announced his intention to step down, following allegations in mainstream Irish media of perjury. “Never, in all the time I’ve served in public life, have I put my personal interests ahead of the public good.”

Mr. Ahern has been embroiled in controversy concerning payments he received in the mid-90s when he was Minsiter for Finance. These payments were revealed by a state Inquiry into corruption, the Mahon Tribunal, before which he has been giving evidence since September 2007.

The issue reached crisis proportions two weeks ago when his former secretary, Grainne Carruth, revealed that she had lodged several large sums of English currency into the Irish Leader’s personal bank accounts. Her evidence revealed that the Taoiseach had mis-led the Tribunal when he testified that the accounts hand only received his pay-cheques.

Last week, two coalition government Ministers called for a statement to allay “significant public disquiet” concerning these revelations.




  1. In an emotional statement from government buildings the Irish Leader announced his intention to step down,

    Oh he’s good at the ‘ould ’emotional’ statements, alright. Hasn’t he had plenty of practice with the help of RTE over the past year. Remember his crocodile tears when he did his RTE news interview with Brian Dobson? The one where he pretended to be nearly on the verge of a mental breakdown due to the media ‘intrusion’ into his separation from his wife?

    Takes some neck to do that considering he was the one brought up his marital difficulties in a sad attempt to put the media off the scent.

    After that he was waving his dead mother around the place, like some voodoo charm, in a similar attempt to ward of the evhullll spirits of meejah ‘intrusion’ into other dodgy bank lodgments.

    ‘Me dead mudder gave it to me! How could yis bring me dead mudder into it! Oh, the shame, she’d be turning in her grave!’ . . . and other such nonsense.

    Having said all that, I shudder at the thought of the likes of Enda Kenny, the ball-less wonder from ‘de Whesth’, winning an election and being in charge of the country. At least Bertie had the confidence of ‘de peepil’, sadly something Enda could never aspire to

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